"DUDE! Hey, Cat, I'm talkin' to ya. I got news!"
Stupid Cat. You'll pay attention when I poke my nose in your butt.
Barty glowered at Cat, aka Blackwatch, and squinched his eyelids to only the barest slit necessary for vision.
Blackwatch had a nasty habit of aiming at Barty's large, round eyeballs and even though Cat kept his claws sheathed, a smack in the eye . . . well, like Barty kept hearing The Mom-Person tell Jake, all fun and games until someone loses an eye.” Barty liked fun and games and wanted to make sure things stayed that way -- or that at least it wasn't one of his eyes She was referring to.
"PFFFFTT-HSSSS-RRROWLLLL!!!"
"SCORE!" snickered Barty to himself “Pay attention next time I tell you I've got news, BW."
"Pffftt. Just what is your big news?"
It's my Gotcha Day . . . "
"Oh. I'm SO glad you reminded me -- I forgot to have my dresser change out this collar for the black one."
"Huh? Oh. Never mind, you can wait and find out the hard way then."
"Wait . . . ?the hard way?' You'd better tell; this sounds dire. Ohhh . . . What if you're only leased and you go back on Gotcha Day? Not that I like you, but getting sent back to the pound . . . well, I couldn't live with myself if I let that happen without putting forth a little effort. Not too much."
"Jake wouldn't send me back? He said something about making sure he could find us if we ever got lost or something."
"Us? You'd better tell me the whole story. From the beginning."
"Uh, well . . . ummm. . . Back when I was a little puppy and I first opened my eyes all I could see was gray. Everything was cold, even my mama . . . "
"No, not that far back, doofus-dog, for the love of Bastet, just to the beginning of this if we got lost' business. "
"Gotcha!"
"Drool."
"You know last night, when you were asleep, hanging over the back of the recliner and drooling down Jake's neck while he . . . "
" do NOT DROOL!"
"Do so."
"Cats DO NOT DROOL. Dogs drool; cats rule. That is Law."
"Yah, whatever . . . So, while you were laying there, RULING down Jake's neck, he was watching TV. I started to go find my sock ?cause it sounded boring, said it was about Kat and her tattoo parlor, whatever that is, but if it had anything to do with a Kat, it couldn't be all that great."
"Why didn't you wake me up? You know I'm always interested in relatives, especially successful, TV star types."
"No relative of yours, BW. This Kat might be related to Mom-Person, but she had all kinds of pictures all over her -- called them ?tats' and ?ink'. She made Jake drool . . . kinda like you were doing, but with his eyes open, and I couldn't get him to play tug with me and my sock, he just kept squirming his butt in the chair."
"I told you, I do NOT . . . "
"Yah, you said. But anyhow, after the show was over, Jake finally played tug with me and sock and when I rolled over for my belly rub after I let him win, he got up and went to the computer -- said he was gonna find someone to “ink a tat” on me and you so if we got lost we could get back home and that was gonna be my Gotcha Day present."
"Dunno about this. Sounds -- wrong. I need some time to sulk on it."
"Better throw it into quick-sulk cycle, then. Here he comes with my gettagoinnacar harness and your cage. Ya know, if you didn't throw such a hissy fit in the car, they might not make you ride in the box, BW."
"'Snot a cage, fool, it'sa litter . . . "
"Well don't poop in it. You'll stink up the car."
And so Barty and Blackwatch journeyed toward the Gotcha Day adventure, one with high expectations, the other in quick-sulk cycle.
"Barty, we're screwed. You know where we are? We're at the V-E-T place."
"Barty?"
"I just piddled on the seat. BW . . . EWWWWW! You got scared and pooped in your litter, didn't ya?"
"No, that was a spite-poop. I snuck it out through the cage wires. It's stuck in the back of the car seat now."
After much butt-dragging and whimpering from Barty and a show of claws through the cage wires from Blackwatch, the resigned pair found themselves sitting on the cold steel table, nervously watching the vet.
Barty whimpers and shivers and piddles again while Blackwatch growls and shakes the tip of his tail.
A small sting and a few moments later, Barty shivers and lays on his back stoically while the hair is buzzed off the inside of his thigh. A tickly-prickly feeling makes his leg twitch for a few seconds. Something cold wipes across his leg, Jake sets Barty on his feet and gives him a quick scratch under the jaw.
"Next."
Blackwatch tries the Baleful Glare to gain his release.
"Awww, poor kitty. We'll give you something that will make you forget all about catnip."
A cursory massage on the back of the neck followed by a quick sting and a moment later Blackwatch is purring while a Lab Coat desecrates his fur, shaving far too close to his privates -- or where they were before the last trip here. Disgusted with himself, BW can't stop the goofy purring, paddling his paws in the air like a nursing kitten, DROOLING, while someone tickles the inside of his leg.
Blackwatch is still batting at imaginary mouse-moths all the way home and staggers out, blinking, when Jake opens the carrier door and Barty licks him in the face.
"BW? You okay?"
"Duuuuude . . . lookit the pretty . . . hnnhh? Gotta wash . . . squigglies on me leg . . . "
"You're stoned!"
"Hey, lookit . . . we get party hats . . . Happy Gotcha Day, Burpy . . ."
"Why are we wearing party hats around our necks? I can't lick my . . . you know. Or my leg where it's itchy. I can't see that tat-thingy either."
"Soo-okay, Barfy . . . I love you, doggie-dude . . . dinna wan' ya ta get lost . . . tats . . . . good . . . everythin's spinny . . . ooof . . . hairball hurl comin' up . . . ."
And that is how Jake made sure he would never, ever lose Barfy, err, Barty and Blackwatch. He filled out a form with a bunch of spaces on it for each of them and sent it away to a place where they keep track of those sorts of things, and they all lived happily ever after and never got lost.
And Blackwatch still swears he doesn't drool.
This story brought to you by Suzi Green of www.pet-super-store.com: Where you can find great prices on GPS Tracking Collars like the Garmin Astro Combo
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